Sanity Check: "Mac"-Daddy Will Make You Crazy

Hello to my wonderful, fellow smartypants university-type people!  The time has come, once again, for me to start your week out right with another Sanity Check on TPP.  Besides, I hear the market value on grey matter has gone up significantly in the past forty years, so let's just say you're "making an investment in your future" by reading this.

This week's subject: People who drink Steve Jobs' Kool-Aid

The Insanity:

Before I jump into this Sanity Check, I'd like to say a little disclaimer.  I'm a Mac-user.  I'll openly admit that.  I think they're great, granted iTunes definitely needs some work, but awesome otherwise.  I honestly wouldn't choose another brand of computer over my little white MacBook.  You could offer me a brand spankin' new Dell, and I'd turn that shit down in a heartbeat.  I love the brand, love the technology, and this Sanity Check has to do moreso with people's behavior than it does with the brand itself.  Windows people, I'm not here to tell you I'm better than you.  To each his own.  Onto the insanity!

Recently with Steve Jobs' resignation as Apple's CEO, consumers have been rather worried about what this will mean for technology updates and new products.  The iPhone 5 was supposedly set to release this October, but as of late, it looks like its actual release date will be announced during that month instead.  Will Apple's seemingly endless hiatus ever be terminated by the glory of a new commercial with that one unknown hand model and song that engrains itself ino the very folds of your cerebrum? 

Fuck if I know.

What I do know is this: people will pretty much do anything for Steve Job's new technology.  Yes, when that new iPhone drops in stores, you can bet your butt that every single Apple store in the country will have a line out the door of tech-heads just ITCHING to get their little fingers onto that holy touch-screen that are reserved for gods of the modern age.  They're also more than willing to shell out $200 for the glory that comes with owning one of these, regardless of the fact that they're already paying about $100 per month for the phone service and data package.

Not only that, but after every new iPod/iPhone/iMac/iOwnYourSoul update, there's some weird social hierarchy that's formed instantaneously between those with the most recent version, the old version, and us lowly peasants who are for want of funding for such rich indulgences.  I'm sure we've all had a conversation somewhat similar to this one: "Oh you have the iPhone 3G?  Well I have the 4G andithasflashcompatibilityanddoesmylaundryandbabysitsmykidsandtextsand..." 



Come ON guys, even Ashton Kutcher knows this fact of life.



Remember when Verizon got the iPhone?  Oh my gawd.  People had literally just bought a phone under AT&T, also known as the "drop your call every 30 seconds" network, and they didn't even bat an eyelid when Verizon told them that they would have to buy another phone simply because AT&T's technology "wasn't compatible" with their own.  But hey, as long as you can tweet from the bathroom in your basement in the middle of nowhere, who the fuck cares, right?

The Sanity Check:
I recall when the iPad came out, the Apple store had lines even AFTER the release date, simply because the tablet was so "revolutionary" and everyone wanted to play with it.  NEWS FLASH, people, Microsoft came out with a tablet years before Apple did.  Everyone dismissed Bill Gates' "revolutionary" invention as pointless and completely inconvenient, but suddenly it's got Steve Jobs' name behind it and everyone is raving about how the iPad is going to change their lives.  Right.  Guys, it's a giant iTouch.  The only time I could ever see an iPad being useful is when you're on an airplane...because, man, my laptop absolutely refuses to open all the way when it's sitting on those little folding meal trays, and god forbid someone reclines the seat.  Ultimately, there's just a lot of hype that goes behind Apple products that people supposedly have never seen before.  Sometimes, the hype is definitely well-founded (like the release of the iPod way back when), but others like the iPad have a different reality...you're gonna want to click on this one:

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Take my boyfriend, for example.  He is thinking about getting the iPhone 5, and I've done everything I can to dissuade him from doing so in hopes that he'll just give up and purchase an Android instead.  My biggest argument is an endless cycle that I witness with anyone who finally takes a sip of Steve Jobs' cellular Kool-Aid:

Stage 1: You buy the new iPhone, and it's quite possibly the best thing since fucking sliced bread.  It has all the apps and games you want, and you can even take pretty sweet pictures and videos with it.  You show all your friends how "@w3s0m3" your phone is.  Great.  We don't care.

Stage 2: After about a month or two of use, you find a little quirk about your phone that kind of bugs you.  Maybe the image stabilization of the camera isn't as good as it could be.  Maybe your phone isn't flash-compatible.  It's something you can live with, but just kind of eats at you the more you use the phone.

 Stage 3: Without fail, at the peak of your frustration, Apple will release the new model and all of those little quirks will be fixed in that new model.  Suddenly, you start feeling like that "best phone ever" you got a year ago is now on the same playing field as that huge brick of a phone that was surely giving you brain cancer.  Fuck that shit, right?

Stage 4: Return to stage 1.

I mean, how can you not see the insanity in this, especially if you're on the college budget?  I would never waste my money doing this.  You're seriously going to spend $200-$250 dollars so you can watch that movie on your phone in HD?  You're going to hurt your eyes and, perhaps more importantly, your pocketbook by doing that.

Also, why would you wait in line for that shit on the day it drops in stores?  It's a huge inconvenience.  What if you have to like...pick up your kids from school or something?  "Jimmy can wait!  Apple just released the 4G, the new download of season 6 of Dexter is available on iTunes, and I ONLY WANT TO WATCH IT ON MY PHONE."  I mean, it's kind of like the releases of the Harry Potter books, but at least those were at midnight and had a party and a weird faction associated with it.  There's just a strange sterility that I associate with Apple releases, like everyone is just there for themselves simply to prove to all of their friends that they are hip and jive and up to date with the modern age.  It's going to be there tomorrow, the huge-ass line is not, and you certainly do not prove anything by getting it first since it will, after all, still be the newest thing on the market the day after.  Apple isn't suddenly after 24 hrs going to be like "JK, iPhone 6 out now, suckers! *maniacal laughter*"

So what have we learned?  Enjoy the products, but don't drink the Apple Kool-Aid.  End of story.

Next Week's Subject: "Honk at the badonk" and other useless pick-up methods.

Tune in tomorrow for Inn Perspective on TPP!

Until next time, dweebs <3