Inn Perspective: "People"- People are People Too!

Have you noticed that if you say "people" too many times, it inadvertently turns into "peep hole", which then turns into "pee-hole" if (God forbid) you continue "people-ing"??

...Talk about a pointless tangent.  Welcome, my hyper-cephalized companions, to another installment (albeit a VERY late one) of "Inn Perspective" on TPP.  I'm sure by now, you have wondered to yourself more than a few times what magical wonders the stagnant cesspool of human indecency could offer this time around.  Wonder no more!

This week's subject: Recognizing "people"-people and how to keep them happy.

A Brief Look at the Habitat, Behavior, and Evolution of P. peoplus

"I'm nice to you because I have to because it's keeping me alive."

     People peoplus, known colloquially as "People-people" or "P-squared" or "P-pa-dizzle", is a species with roots reaching as far back as the dawn of modern capitalism.  As goods and services warranted significant investment, individuals from the Servicio family began to branch off into a new group of organisms, marked by their intrinsic role as mediators between a corporate society's products and the people who take issue with them.  Thus, P. peoplus was born from a symbiosis between Corporatus executiva requiring other members of the genus People to directly relieve the stress from the C. executiva social structure.

A typical dwelling.

     P. peoplus are commonly found where members of the genus People gather in large numbers.  Such ecosystems include hotels, public transportation, shopping malls, and other retail centers.  With the dawn of the telephone and telemarketing, however, P. peoplus may be found in the virtual, branching ecosystem of cyberspace or a phone line (or both if you are stuck in the Stone Age and have dial-up still).  People peoplus is most commonly found in a single dwelling, a desk, often cohabitating with other People-people, a computer, telephone, and many office supplies.  Sometimes, when the moon is aligned just right with the continent of Asia, P. peoplus will venture out of its normal habitat to interact with the masses of People it serves.  The species does this, usually to consume the very rare foliage Commentus cardus, which members of People that are not P-pa-dizzle produce, given the correct persuasion.

     But how would one distinguish People peoplus in its natural habitat?  Distinctive markings of this species include a huge fake smile, vocalizations that are at least an octave higher than the tone of normal conversation, slightly sad eyes, ill-fitting uniform, and name-tags.  A People-person can be recognized from at least 50 feet away, as they continually emit a cry that sounds something akin to "Have a nice day!" in order to identify other members of their species and thus, possible mates.  Also, as long as one is careful not to be noticed, one can witness the secret purging practice of P. peoplus after each negative interaction with another of its genus.  After being berated by, say People bitchycunta for example, P. people will actively seek another member of its species and purge the interaction by emitting low growls and grumbles, maybe even hissing a few times.  The purge often ends with a simultaneous cackle by both individuals involved in the interaction.
      P. peoplus has a rather short life-span, unfortunateley, as each negative interaction with its genus forces it one step closer to self-destruction, a nearly unavoidable fate.  Thus, People-people have made it onto the endangered species list.  The self-termination of a People-person is often called "going postal", in which the normally passive P. peoplus will actively seek out and fight another member of its genus with loud obscenities.  The battle weakens this organism greatly, leaving them easy victims for Corporatus executiva to prey on.  Thus, natural selection continues to prey on this species as well, as those who are able to suppress this self-destruction survive, while those who are unable are terminated.  In their society, members who have survived more than 5 years are immediately granted entry into the "Council of Elders" and enjoy the privileges of the best pens, best-fitting uniforms, and the side of their choosing on the desk.

This call is a sure sign of self-termination.  One must be on the look-out for Corporatus executiva once this is uttered.

     Most members of People, however, do not realize that there is an easy way to prevent the extinction of this glorious species.  Being prepared while migrating is the biggest solution, while realizing that these P. peoplus are not images of perfection or a slave to one's every need is the second.  Demanding exotic items like hypoallergenic pillows, a full refund when you've eaten half of something already, or a deodorizer that doesn't have a  masking smell for your "musky" room will only push this species further to the brink of extinction.  As long as People remains rational, reasonable, and polite, P. peoplus will have no reason to self-terminate and will thus keep Corporatus executiva at bay.  Not only that, but this mutual symbiosis within the genus would maintain the happiness of non-People-people during the use of and investment in Corporatus's services.

     In short, P. peoplus is a fragile species, continually on the brink of discord within the greater People society.  However, within their own species, strong bonds are made between elders and "newbs" in order to make futile attempts at avoiding this self-destruction.  P-squared's have one role in their ecosystems, and it is to make the rest of their genus happy.  In doing so, they often make themselves miserable, but this can be avoided with careful behavior changes by those within People and Corporatus.  Ultimately, overt recognition for their good service and stressing the importance of their role in their ecosystem is the one (and only) key to ensuring the survival of the species. 

Next week's subject: The "Diamond Member Syndrome"

Until next time, dweebs <3