Sanity Check: Individuality Fails

Hello fellow Pocket-Protector-type people!

Sorry for the hiatus.  I had to work yesterday after a date out with the boy (ooer), so I was kind of busy.  Nevertheless, dear readers, we have some shit to address.

As the year wears on, one starts recognizing people on the journey to and from classes.  They are nameless souls most of the time, and you know them mostly by what they wear or how their hair is or how far apart their eyes are or whatever.  So my question to you is this...how do you want people to hold you in their memory?  This brings us to this week's subject: How NOT to assert your individuality.


The Insanity:
You know, I'm gonna be straight with you guys...there are way too many breeds of bat-shit crazy in this town for me to capture in a single blog.  However, like I stated above, there are a few people on campus who stick out like sore thumbs because they're so god-damned weird...

"Constantly-Rapping-at-the-Top-of-His-Voice" Guy
This kid.  The only thing that could possibly make him more annoying is if he was white and trying to be gangster...or if he was a girl who was trying to be Adele in her Ugg boots and mini-skirt (which we will discuss later).  He swaggers through campus like he's fucking Tupac, with his doofy-ass headphones on and rap music BLASTING so loud that I really don't need his commentary to figure out which song he's listening to.  Let it be known that I'm not opposed to all rap music...I'll fucking admit that I'm a Ludacris fan, but come on.  The whole purpose of the personal music player was so that you could keep your music to yourself.  Let's keep it that way!  The only instances this kid didn't irritate the crap out of me were the times I caught him singing along to Ke$ha or Nicki Minaj.

"Knows-the-Answer-to-EVERYTHING" Kid

This is the only explanation...

Everyone has one of these in every single lecture.  His or her arch nemesis is "talks to hear her own voice" girl.  These kids sit in the front row of the classroom, answer EVERY FUCKING QUESTION the prof poses, even if it's rhetorical, and are generally know-it-all's.  My favorite is when they ask these obscure questions with a sly look on their face because they not-so-secretly already know the answer.  Their aim is to impress their peers with their EXTREME knowledge to the point that the professor, on his/her golden pedestal of intelligence, will reach out an arm and ask this student to join them in the fraternal bonds of ideal hyper-cephalization that only gods are meant for.  Yeah...right.  I've unintentionally become one of these kids before, and it was because my prof liked me in the first place since I had a cell bio background.  She just kept pushing and pushing, and because I couldn't refuse her (that's what she said), I didn't end up with any friends in the class until very late in the quarter.  How could anyone opt into this??

"Broken-Legged-Ugg-Boot" Chick

Have you noticed that the girls who wear those stupid-ass Ugg boots can't stand straight?  They stand with their weight on the inside of their feet so that their legs literally look broken.  I don't know that this is an attempt at individuality, since every other girl on my campus has these, but they're damn ugly and amuse me to no end.  Especially when they are paired with mini-skirts.  How is that attractive?  They SMELL so bad because of the fleece inside too (I've had the unfortunate experience of owning a pair of knock-offs).  How can you stand it?  Oh, and there's always this:

Aw, but "scooching" is so damn sexy!

The Barefoot People

I don't know if it's just my campus or not, but we have these hippies.  Well...they're not really hippies because they're definitely trust-fund kids, but they dread their hair, don nose rings, have enough feathers to fly if they jumped high enough, and flat-out refuse to wear shoes.  I have literally seen one of their male representatives walking around in 40-DEGREE WEATHER all bundled up, with leg-warmers and bare feet.  W.T.Fuck.  My favorite part about Barefoot People is that they all claim to be non-conformist and hate society and some bull-shit, but they all look EXACTLY THE SAME.  

Trench Coat and Fedora Kids

You will never, ever be as cool as you think your fedora or trench coat makes you.  Enough said.

"The Hot Mess"

We all have one of these in our classrooms too.  You know what I'm talking about...all of her Facebook pictures have that stupid-ass "duck face" she thinks is so attractive, or have captions under pictures of her HUGE BOOBS that say "liCk m@i TiT B1tCh! L0l."  Cleavage spills over like a toilet that's been clogged beyond saving, pants fit so tightly that you can virtually hear her crotch screaming from asphyxiation, and you're tempted to tell her that she might have a little face on her makeup.  The Hot Mess can also be seen working out at the gym, where her booty shorts that say "JUICY" on the ass advertise her particular strain of herpes more so than the relative attractiveness of her bottom.  She purposefully wears a sports bra with too little support so that her tits fly everywhere.  The guys stare, she gets what she wants, and also turns half of the rec center lesbian.  I've seen these girls teeter across campus on 4-inch stiletto heels in a mini-skirt at 8 AM in rainy, cold winter weather without a jacket on.  Let it be known that if the blue, hypothermic look is what the boys are going after, then I will gladly take the girl on girl action, please and thank you.

The Sanity Check:

 What all of this boils down to is that if you feel like you're trying to assert your individuality, you are trying way WAY too hard.  Individuality should be something that is simply seeded within you, something very organic that a variety of different people will be drawn to.  Take me for example.  I have a sense of humor that involves the word "fuck" in exorbitant amounts, convoluted science puns, and crass sarcasm.  Some people like it, and others are flat-out offended.  But I don't care.  There is a fine line between being quirky and being fucking weird, people.  You may walk the line, but do not cross it.  For the slow death of your social life via the piercing judgement of my gaze awaits you.

Next weeks subject: WET, SLOPPY TONGUE HOCKEY and other public displays of affection.

Until next time, dweebs <3