They Call me "Dorkius Maximus"

Hello, fellow smarty-pants university-type peoples!

It occurred to me that I haven't exactly been the most friendly host to this immense portal of absolute knowledge that is "The Pocket Protector".  I mean, a few posts ago, I was talking about shoving something up your vagina, and you barely even know me.  ...So to make my future posts a little less internet-date-rape-y, I'm including a few highlights about myself (with commentary) so you can check out the stuff I like and maybe get to know me.  But not like "know me" like in ye olden days, cuz that ain't cool...and is actually date-rape-y.



Nickname
MFB: Commonly stands for "My Favorite Biracial/Bisexual/Becca", but may also stand for "Mother-Fucking Becca" or "Monkey Follows Blindly" or pretty much anything else you want it to stand for.

Books

A Clockwork Orange: I read this book for the first time in my senior year of high school.  To those of you who have not yet been warned about it, take caution now: the first chapter of this book can and will make you want to rip your eyeballs out of your head, specifically through your ear canals.  Or maybe just frustrate you.  It's all in a made up slang language called "Nadsat", so you better be a fucking context-clue detective to solve that mystery.  For all you psychology-type peeps, it involves classical conditioning at its best...or worst...can't be sure.
Stiff: "The way I see it, being dead is not far off from being on a cruise ship: all you do is lie around on your back and nothing much is expected of you."  Pretty self explanatory, no?
Johnny Got His Gun: I swear, you must all think I'm some sort of literary sadist by now.  This book is literally a huge stream of consciousness and is nearly impossible to follow at some points.  However, it is the absolutely heart-wrenching tale of a WWI vet waking up in a hospital to realize he is blind/deaf/mute and is missing his arms/legs/half his face.  So so so well done.

Movies
The Elephant Man: "But black and white movies suuuuuck!"  Shut the fuck up.  This movie is amazing and very accurately tells the life story of one of my heroes, Joseph Merrick.  He was a man who was exploited by the circus as a freak for a majority of his life due to the huge tumors on his body.  Say it slowly with me: "mosaic neurofibromatosis with proteus syndrome".
Monty Python and the Holy Grail: I really shouldn't need to explain my love for this.
My Neighbor Totoro: This is what I gotta say.  FUCK the new version with the Fanning sisters.  Dakota will always be some whiny stupid little girl whose parents hate her and named her after a state.

TV
House MD: I really don't care if it's formulaic.  The writing is absolute genius.  And plus, it keeps me believing that one day Olivia Wilde or Jesse Spencer will need to perform a breast examination on me. 
Criminal Minds: Don't watch this show alone.  Ever.  I wrote something about "it being a crime scene in my underwear" on a bathroom stall once.  Got the reply of "Spencer Reid can investigate your panties!"  Didn't understand it until I started watching this show and was graced with his nerdy godliness:

Dr. Spencer Reid (Matthew Gray Gubler).  I kinda want his hot, geeky bod...just a lot.

Bones: I encourage everyone to watch 2 seasons of this, and then take a Bio-Anth class.  Hopefully you have the same reaction as me to the dialogue, which was "OMGZ, THE INFRAORBITAL FORAMEN!  I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!"  Then you quickly realize that you're yelling at your TV with the only thing that can hear you being the half-empty pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey in your lap.  (You get the same experience with another fave, Dexter, as well.)


YouTube
sxephil: My one and only news source online.  Love this guy to death.
Shane Dawson: He tried (successfully?) to get the phrase "Period Cup" to trend on Twitter.  And then I found this in a Rite Aid last week:

The "Lady Cup", also known as a "Bella Shot" to Vampires who really know how to party.

MyHarto: MY DRUNK KITCHEN is the shit.  Not only is she getting drunk on camera and attempting a culinary adventure, but she's so frikkin' adorable.  I would bang the shit out of this girl.

Favorite Recent News Items

...Except for not.

Steve Jobs Steps Down as Apple CEO: To paraphrase Phillip DeFranco, I'm loving the fact that the intro to the new CEO on the Apple page is a cleverly disguised message to all of their share-holders: "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT SELL YOUR STOCKS.  We still make good shit...right...right?  *bites fingernails*"  Everyone else on the Apple-lover/slave front has been reacting thusly, though: "0Mgzzzz t3h W0r1d i5 3ndingggg!!!"  He's still head of the board, calm the fuck down...you'll get your opportunity to spend hundreds of dollars on the iPhone 5 soon enough.  Go play on Foursquare in the meantime.
Earthquake on the East Coast: "0Mgzzzz t3h W0r1d i5 3ndingggg!!!"  ...I sense a trend.

So there you have it.  ...Half of you probably hate me for the period cup thing.  You'll forgive me. 

Until next time, dweebs <3