Inn Perspective: The Enormous Importance of Remembering to Wear Pants

If you have been acquainted with me within the last year or so, you know that I work as a front desk agent for a local hotel, also known as "the festering cesspool of human indecency".  Yes, I am paid $9 per hour to listen to old women complain about those damn kids in the pool enjoying their childhood like Daddy would never let them do in the olden days cuz it was "a nuisance".  I am fed a meal every shift in exchange for dealing with those guests who demand a check-in at 7 AM into a specific room (that still has people in it) because they are a Diamond member and are thus entitled to nothing short of me getting on my knees and sucking a big one. 

My favorite thing about working at the hotel is that I feel like I work in Disneyland.  For the most part, everyone who has a job there has a pretty bleak outlook about humanity, yet we smile those big fake grins and pretend to care just to walk away with a paycheck that really isn't enough for the personal scars we're laden with each and every shift by guests with no regard for their fellow man.

This is Inn Perspective, a section that I plan to post every Monday about what my experiences at the hotel (and sometimes other jobs) have taught me about life.  In addition, I'll be including resources to apply those lessons to your daily routines because, despite popular belief, I want you to walk away from this blog with something other than the knowledge that I cuss too much for my own good.

This week's subject: The enormous importance of remembering to put on pants before walking out the door.



We all forget things.  Sometimes we don't remember to bring those notes to class, that shopping list, or maybe that condom when we're about to get down and dirty.  I know when I forget to give a guest back their credit card after check-in, it's a huge pain because then I have to find them and look super irresponsible.  Absent-mindedness can be a detriment to one's functioning...and I have outlined 3 levels that being scatter-brained can lead you to.

Level 1: Severe Frustration, e.g. "The Tampon Dilemma"

As a girl, I don't think anything is more frustrating than walking 20 min out of your apartment with everything you need, completely convinced that you are prepared and looking mighty sexy, then having the horrible realization that you're fucking bleeding.  And you don't have a tampon.  What's worse is realizing that you KNEW you were on your period, but were too worried about getting those boobs to look just perky enough in that nearly sheer top for Johnny in Anthropology to even bother to grab something that would certainly save you from public humiliation.  Now you have to go buy more, get clever with toilet paper, or approach a complete stranger and ask them politely for something to shove up your vagina.  To those readers with bits that dangle, this frustration may be equated to when you've entered the boss battle of a videogame and your system crashes.  You don't think it's a big deal, proceed to reboot...and then realize you were too cocky earlier and never saved.  Either that, or it's like when you're already butt-naked and pull out the condom, thinking you're good to go, and realize that it's expired.  Mother-fucker!

Level 2: Interference with Daily Function, e.g. "A Leg Up"
While working at the desk, a guest approached one of my co-workers and claimed that a guest had left something in our martini lounge.  She said that it was really important and that, despite not even knowing this person, he would definitely be wanting it back.  My coworker asked if it was a credit card or ID.  She said no, standing there awkwardly for a moment.  Incredulously, he asked her what it was.  Without another word, she handed him a prosthetic leg.  Who the hell does that?  I really hope that, in his drunken stupor, this guest took it off so he could drink from the end of it, because that's the only way I could regain my respect for this guy.  Talk about being shit out of luck, no?

Level 3: SNAFU, e.g. "The Enormous Importance of Remembering Pants"

This is a story straight from the hotel, and also explains why I would like someone to kill me if by some miracle I make it to 90.  One day, I'm working the front desk and my head housekeeper comes up to me and asks, "So have you seen him?!"  I ask her what the bleeding hell she's talking about.  She goes on to explain that we have a family staying in the hotel, two of which are looking after their 90-year old parents who suffer from dementia.  The kicker?  The dad was spotted walking around the hotel with his walker, wearing nothing but an adult diaper.  Not only did he forget his pants (and shirt), but he also mistook another guest's room for an appropriate place to relieve himself.  Oh boy.  Granted, he had dementia and is thus forgivable, but dear LORD I hope I'm dead before I get to that phase.  Grandma Becca will not be walking into a Macy's with her boobs hanging down to her knees for all of you to see, thank you.

And there you have it.  Forgetting things really REALLY sucks sometimes.  But fear not!  I have a solution.

The Resource: Remember the Milk Online To-Do Lists  [Link]

I'm a pre-PA kid who works 2 jobs totaling about 25 hrs/wk, am an assistant executive producer for a film-making group, lead an off-campus coffee group, and have a romantic relationship.  Needless to say, my time needs to be managed rather well.  RememberTheMilk.com is FREE and allows me to schedule every single damn thing I need to do each day down to the minute, which includes categorizing tasks into tabs (e.g. "Hotel", "Clubs", etc.).  Not only that, but they can send email AND/OR text reminders to you the day AND the hour before something's due.  They also have an app that is available for purchase. Guys, the only thing this is missing is sound effects when you complete a task.

Personally, I'd also like graphics of Michael Bay style explosions in which the words fly past you on the screen, like "BUY *whoosh* *boom!* MILK *lightning crash*" 

Next week's topic: What is this "break" you speak of? *shovels food in face*

Until next time, dweebs <3