Inn Perspective: "WACME" in 'Dem Clear Heels

Hello to you, my hyper-cephalized companion, and welcome to another riveting edition of "Inn Perspective" on TPP.

This week's subject: Clear heels in the lobby and other professional wardrobe blunders.

At some point in time, I see basically every single guest I check-in walk past the desk.  For some, I will see three different outfits.  For others, I will only see them in their swim trunks (or God forbid a Speedo) with a towel wrapped around them, hopelessly searching for the pool that's in the middle of fucking everything.

Pretty much the story of every single shift.

And then there are the business people on a corporate retreat and the women who work in the sales office.  I interact with every single staff member in the hotel: the managers come to check on our occupancy, housekeeping is always coming by with updates, maintenance is my bitch, banquets drops off checks, accounting gives me change, the food/bev staff always want change, and the sales ladies come by to augment group reservations.  Basically, the front desk is a huge clusterfuck of managerial hierarchies all coming together, twisting into some incoherent mass of tangled pride, and it's my job to sort it all out so nobody's ego gets hurt in the end.  Every employee who approaches me wears a strictly enforced, ill-fitting uniform unless he/she is a manager or works in sales.

The managers all wear suits: it's a straight-up sausage-fest.  (What the--oh sorry--I thought I heard "sexism" being whispered in the wind.)  There are only women in sales, however, and these ladies look like they're going to the club every single god damned time they come up to talk to me.  Low-cut tops, tight-fitting skirts, short dresses, sky-scraper heels, tussled hair...the list of trashiness goes on.  At least now I know why so many male-dominated groups book our hotel after working with our sales team.

Will you please book our property?  *wink*

There's one, though, who is particularly bad.  I'm going to save her the public humiliation and re-name her "Preggo".  (You will appreciate this name in a second.)  Preggo is new and doesn't exactly have the most slender of figures, yet she refuses to wear a skirt that falls anywhere past her knees or dresses that fit anything less than 2 sizes too small.  She wears sky-scraper heels constantly, and she clearly has no idea how to walk in them, which makes her gait more of a waddle to compensate for the amount of weight she's throwing around up top.  She wears waist belts that really don't do her any favors as well.  In fact, these waist belts look so bad and her stride is so awkward that for her first 2 weeks in the sales office, my co-worker and I were seriously trying to figure out a) if she was pregnant and b) when she was going to pop.  (Now you appreciate the nick-name.)  Personally, I was more-so looking forward to the day when one of her stilettos got caught in the grout between the tile in the lobby.  Can you see this?  Preggo would get some air and then slam into the ground in an explosion of makeup, hairspray, ill-fitting clothing and not-so-subtle body glitter.  Fuck, it would probably look as if Pavaratti, Paris Hilton, and Rosie O'Donnell had a massive orgy and left their love-child's wardrobe strewn all over the lobby.  Actually she'd probably just twist an ankle, which I'm proud to say that I could take care of, but wouldn't want to.

"WACME" in 'Dem Heels
Again, you're just going to have to trust me that the title will be way better once you read the story.  Deal with it.    

 "WACME" is pronounced "whack me" and stands for a group called "Washington Coroners and Medical Examiners", which had its annual conference/meet-and-greet at our property.  Needless to say, these guys rival "Workplace Bullying" for the weirdest group of people we've ever had in the hotel.  They were, however, my absolute favorite solely because of how fucking dichotomous their members were.  You would really think that anybody who is happy to be quite literally elbow-deep in dead people all day would be a weirdo, completely obsessed with death, void of emotion, and probably looks something like this:

"Likes Satan and reading classic poetry by the fireside..."

Well, oddly enough, most of them look pretty normal.  I did, however, check a few of them in who had ID's with old pictures that looked damn similar to the one above.  My theory is that somewhere between med school and realizing that all that white vampire makeup is expensive, the whole "my soul bleeds black tears because only the dead understand me" thing loses its charm.  So yes, outwardly out of place appearances did not make the group dichotomous, BUT their behavior certainly did.  Half of them were damn near stoic with your stereotypical "I'm a doctor" God complex.  The other half were almost hysteric with their elation to be in a public place among the living.  I swear to God, I overheard this very conversation (read with an "overly happy-to-be-here" tone):

"So are you going to help us with that homicide that came in this morning?!"

"You know, I had to haul ass from an autopsy up north, and I think there are still some bone fragments in my hair, so I'm going to go up to my room and wash those out before going to the PAR-TAY!  *dances a little*"

If that last sentence isn't worthy of some epic quote book, I don't know what is.  So we got all these guys settled in their room, and at about 8 PM, all of them started coming down into the lobby to head to the bar for their meet-and-greet party.  The sales ladies were out in force, Preggo in particular, to make sure the event ran smoothly.

All was going well, the med examiners were having a grand old time, and then suddenly, I watched Preggo stomp through our lobby in a skin-tight cowl-neck black dress, gaudy Jersey Shore style jewelry, and--I shit you not--clear heel stilettos. 

I'm sitting there with my mouth half-agape, thinking to myself "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, PREGGO?!"  I wanted my general manager there SO BADLY to call her out on the sheer inappropriateness (what a fittingly ugly word) of that outfit.  My co-worker at the time was away from the desk, but as soon as he returned, I informed him of the incredible crime to humanity that he just missed.  Immediately after hearing this, he asked me with a smirk, "Please tell me they lit up?"  I told him that they didn't, but her entire outfit screamed "Someone please 'WACME' in deez clear heels!"  We erupted in laughter, which brought some inquisitive stares from the coroners. 

Moral of this story?  Well...now I can't  see Preggo without involuntarily imagining her half-naked on a stripper-pole.  I think you can infer from that alone how dressing inappropriately affects how your co-workers think of you.  Not only that, but wearing clothes that are not fit for the workplace could make you lose clients and their respect.

The Resource
 
On the payroll or not, be professional!  I think the two times that you absolutely need to be looking your best is in front of current/future clients and during an interview.  I saw a girl come in for an interview in tight-fitting jeans with butt bling and a hot pink velour track suit.  We didn't hire her.  I've also heard a story about 2 girls who went into an interview with nearly identical resumes, but one of them donned a business suit while the other wore a tank top and jeans.  The better dressed of the two got the job.  Remember, everyone, you are there to make these companies LOOK GOOD!  So make sure the mirror smiles, not cringes, when it sees you.  Check it out.

The link above is a guide with absolutely spot-on rules about how to mix and match colors in your wardrobe. 

Also, this website contains essential tips for appropriate men's and women's interview attire to keep you looking professional.  If you're still questioning your choice in outfit and are indeed one of those smartypants university-types, your school's career services center should hypothetically have a seminar sometime towards the beginning of the year with how to nail an interview.  I know that at my school (Western Washington University), career services offers a whole class solely on how to dress for success.  They ask that you dress as if going to an interview, and they critique and give you advice on your selections.  Pretty cool, huh?

That's all folks.  Remember, keep the clear heels far, FAR away from the Rolodex.

Next Week's Subject: People with WAY TOO MUCH game, and other awkward advances.
 
Until next time, dweebs <3